Find Comfort in Yourself
by midtowngirl89
Summary: Ephram and Amy find themselves pondering their feelings for each other, then there are complications with Colin. R&R please!! thanks!
1. Default Chapter

He sits in the far corner of the mundane room, staring, marveling. She sits near the front, seemingly attentive, each of her long, golden hairs in place, tucked behind her pierced ears. He doesn't care about formulas, or the periodic table. All he cares about, all he stays for, is her. The only thing that brings a smile to her otherwise sullen face is him. They are perfect for each other, in theory. Oh, if only it was that easy.

She wants to turn around, glance at his soft eyes and loving face. She wants him, but shouldn't have him. She douses the fire of desire within her with her feelings of determined loyalty. He is constantly disappointed, and part of him wants to give up on her. His brain is only a small part of him, he decides. He doubts he can ever let her go. He buries his face in his crossed arms, settled on his desk. Even without his music, he can tune out the classroom. 

"Mr. Brown?"

"I don't know.." he mumbles in response to his teacher's inquiring, and replaces his head in his arms.

The knotting feeling in her stomach is growing. She asks to be excused to the restroom, and of course is not refused. He watches her every move. Even her mannerisms fascinate him. As she walks to halls that feel so empty, her heart goes numb. She sits on the cool floor and leans her head against the steady lockers. Steady. Steady was what her life use to be. Now its filled with twists and turns, whirlwinds.

Still sitting in his desk through the excessively long biology period, he ponders his feelings for her. He wants her, but can't have her. In his mind, he likes to blame Colin. If only he was here first. If only.

Slowly, she rises to her feet, and paces to where she wishes she didn't have to return to. She touches the metal handle, but pulls away, like a fatal disease infects it. Taking a deep, calming breath, and wiping away her hot tears of frustration, she opens the door. Plastering a fake smile on her perfect face, she enters and sits in her seat, looking at no one. As she had walked in, his head snapped up in attention, just to hear a friend of hers mutter "Freak", of course in his direction. Another tittered at the first's unoriginal comment. Not like he's never heard that before.

She clears her mind to work on the tasks of biology upon her. He doesn't, he can never get her off his mind. The shrill bell slices through both their thoughts. She couldn't take another second off this torture. Gathering up her neat pink materials, she rushes to get out. He wants to follow her, but doesn't. He's sure anything he says will only make things worse. But he ventures toward her to initiate a conversation anyway.

"Hey Amy," he said, in his trademark mumble. He didn't think 'Look at me, I'm cheerful!' was the way to go.

"Ephram, I'm not really in the mood to talk right now. I'm not really in the mood to do much of anything these days." The last part was almost a whisper. She quickly shoved everything into her powder blue messenger bag and shut her locker, slammed really.

"It's going to get better, really."

"No, its not! Colin will never be the same! Ephram, I said I wasn't in the mood to talk!" She walked away to the front double doors that led to freedom.

"But I-I.." Ephram's sad stuttering was drowned out by the squeals of delighted high school students, the shouts of joy from excited jocks, and the tension lingering in the air.


	2. Tell me

*Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Everwood, sadly. They are all the WB's. Though owning Gregory Smith would be so cool…*

Ephram furiously chews at his thumb nail, while repeatedly running his hand through his hair. Amy almost smiles to herself, casting a sideways glance at him. He looks around and wonders why they bother to have magazines in the ICU waiting room. Everyone is always too nervous to read one anyway. The clock ticks away more seconds of agony, leaving everyone in the room with the desire to smash the stupid thing. Amy drums her unpolished fingernails on the table next to the outdated, uncomfortable couch she's sitting on. 

Dr. Brown enters the waiting room. Hands deep in the pockets of his stained white lab coat, he opens his mouth to speak. Amy rises to her feet, not able to sit when the fate of her boyfriend is about to be revealed. She tried to think about the advice everyone had given her, ever since the original accident. _Think positive. Tell yourself everything is going to be ok. _What a load of crap, she think to herself. Before Dr. Brown says a word, the last few hours flash before her eyes. 

"Hey Colin," she says, a weak smile adorning her face. She'd come to visit him, again.

"Hi." He still fails to remember who she is, but grins. He sits up in his hospital bed, the sheet rumpled.

"How's it been going? Are you doing OK? Do you need anything?" Amy says rapidly. 

"I'm fine. I think I may be able to come home soon."

"That's great! Everyone really misses you. Especially me." She looks down, as her voice decreased in volume. Colin closes his eyes. "Oh I guess your tired. I mean, I understand! I'll come back later. Um, see you!" As Amy gets up to leave, disappointed, she looks at Colin's monitor. His pulse line is flat. 

"Oh my-- help! Help!" Amy screams, tears streaming down her face. A nurse hear her, and rushes into the room. 

"What hap--" The nurse is interrupted by Amy's frantic pointing in the direction of the monitor. She covers her mouth with her hand as she's pushed out of the room. 

"You can't be in here!" yells a doctor, as he tells a nurse to escort her to the waiting room. She sees the Harts, looking very shocked and confused. She runs toward the pay phone, jams a quarter into the slot, and dials the number, shaking. 

For the last several hours, Dr. Brown had been performing what they hoped would be another miracle, on Colin. Amy is jolted back to the present, and slowly inhales.

"I'm, I'm so sorry…" Dr. Brown is on the verge of tears. Mrs. Hart collapses into Mr. Hart's arms. Amy sits back down on the couch. Bright puts his strong hand on her shoulder and tries to tell her that everything will be fine. She recoils and yells.

"No! I want Ephram, Ephram…" She now sounds delirious. Choking sobs escape from her mouth, and Ephram quickly joins Amy on the couch. He rubs her back soothingly, not knowing how to comfort her. No one could comfort him when his mom died. 

"Tell me everything is going to be ok, tell me everything is going to be ok.." Amy repeats. Her face is fiery and red, wet from her pain. 

"I-I.."

"Ephram! Tell me everything's going to be ok..everything has to be ok…everything has to.." She buries her head into his black shirt, violently shaking. 

"Everything is going to be ok, I'll make it ok, I promise," Ephram whispers into her ear. She falls asleep crying into his shoulder. Ephram nodded off, thinking about how he was going to make this ok. But he had faith, because he had Amy. After all, she always made things alright for him. 

{Argh, I know it sucks. I just couldn't figure out how I wanted it to go. The next chapter will be better *hopefully*. Keep your finger crossed!}


	3. Dance for me

*Disclaimer*- I don't own any of the characters in my story, or the show Everwood.

Gracefully gliding, hair swept in a loose bun, Amy performs an intense and difficult ballet routine. She leaps across the stage and lands on the tip of her shining rose toe shoe, with ease and perfection. The audience's applause is loud, with Colin leading the praise. She catches him whisper to a fellow audience member, _"That's my girlfriend!" _Amy's heart swells with love for him. The excitement and pride in his voice makes her smile. She can't wait to get off the stage and wrap her arms around his strong, secure body. 

"Amy?" Her eyes fly open, just to see a dim alleyway in front and behind her, and a shadow yards away. It had felt so real. She didn't want it to end. 

"Ephram?" 

"Yeah, it's me." Hands shoved in his pockets as usual, he silently approaches her. Flustered, she quickly pulls the ponytail holder from her hair, letting it fall into her face. She tends to leave her hair down in front her peers. It makes her feel safe and covered, never letting too much of her be revealed.

"How long have you been here?" Dancing is private to her.

"Um, not too long. Just, you know, getting some air." He'd seen the whole thing. He hadn't wanted it to end either. It was amazing. Ephram had never seen her filled with so much passion.

"Oh, ok," Amy sighs with relief. 

"So um, are you going to, uh.." Ephram stumbles with his words. He can't bring himself to say it. _Colin's funeral. _It would be the second funeral he's forced himself to go to in less than a year.

"Yeah." She stared at her feet, moving them slightly back and forth. She wants to run down the alley, avoid this whole conversation. Ephram awkwardly looks at his watch.

"It's family game night. Delia's choice. Monopoly does not wait for anyone." Amy smiles, but it looks pained and forced. "See you later Amy." Ephram lingers for a second, then turns and walks away, leaving Amy still standing there, with a pained smile, a headache, and dread for Sunday.

Colin's funeral was one of the nicest ones Everwood has ever seen. With flowers of every kind, a large headstone, and the whole community, Colin and his funeral would not be forgotten. None of this comforted Amy. If anything, it made it worse. Seeing all the people from school, none of which cared for Colin the way she did. She felt sick to her stomach. Everyone gradually left, wandering to the reception. Some even seemed to be having a good time. Amy stayed by Colin's side, as she always had, despite her parents coaxing. The leaves had began to fall, in whirlwinds of colors. The breeze was cold; Amy's cheeks were rosy and stinging. She felt a warm hand grab hers. With tears cascading down her face, a genuine smile appeared. Ephram. He always made things better.

{Sorry its short..its kinda a filler chapter. I think a feel a twist coming on in the near future..Thanks for reading, now be extra cool and review!} 


	4. Authors Notw :

*Authors Note* Hi there! I just wanted to add a little 'chapter' so my story will be at the top of the updated list. I know, sounds bad, but I replaced the messed up chapter 3 with the good one…and it didn't show it as updated. So please please read and review(!!!) chapter 3, or my entire story! Thanks!! XOXO!

~Midtowngirl89


	5. Time stand still

*Thanks sooo much for the reviews you guys! It really inspires me to write more! Thank you thank you thank you! xoxoxoxo!*

*I don't own anything from Everwood! But its on tonight yay!! (For me, {overseas} ). I feel so sad inside that I wont get the new season for many many months. L * 

*One last note..the song lyrics are from an All American Rejects song, "Time Stands Still". Great song. I was originally going to use lyrics from the Midtown song "Find Comfort in Youself" (thus the title), but when I got the AAR cd, the lyrics fit so perfectly! Please read them, they really enhance the story. By the way they are the words in italics (towards the middle/end of the story) Happy reading, campers! lol jk*

_Ok Ephram, just do it. Like the Nike slogan. Hah. Just go up to her and tell her. C'mon, she'll take it ok. She's heard worse. But why, why does it have to be right now…_

After giving himself a less than adequate pep talk, Ephram slung his backpack over one shoulder and headed towards the library. It was seldom crowded, but was especially deserted on a Friday afternoon. Yet Amy sat at an otherwise empty table, her head resting on her hand, with a very frustrated look on her face. She flipped through pages of a textbook, tapping her pen loudly on the table. Ephram approached, sat down across from her and cleared his throat. She barely looked up, until she realized it was him, of course. 

" You know, reading is much more effective when you actually take the time to stop and look at the page." 

"I was just..skimming. World history isn't all that interesting." The corners of Amy's mouth curved up into somewhat of a smile. She closed her book and focused on Ephram. "So, what brings you here? No crimes to be commited? People to be robbed?" 

Ephram laughed at her sarcasm. It felt good to laugh. He vowed to do it more often. 

"None of that today, I just wanted to talk."

"Did you have something specific in mind?"

"Yeah, kind of. Can we, uh, go somewhere else?" The librarian stared as Amy nodded and gathered her things. They walked into the courtyard of the school. 

"Yesterday, my dad, he um, he told Delia and I something. We're--we're um.."

"Ephram." Amy's eyes showed concern.

"Moving. We're moving," Ephram blurted out.

__

Him and her. Life is turned.

"When? Why? You mean eventually right? Ephram you can't go!" Her voice was panicked.

_The day I knew you would leave. I can barely breath. Can you hear me scream?_

"My dad. He got a job back in New York. We're leave-leaving on Sunday." Ephram tried to steady his voice, but his lip quivered. He turned away. 

"How can you do this to me? I need you! Why is he doing this?" Amy was now shouting, like it was Ephram's fault. His blood boiled.

"Do you think I enjoy this? Huh! Do you think I want to leave the place I now call home and the girl I've loved since the day I saw her? It's not always about you or what you want Amy!" His tone matched Amy's. "Tell me if your ever in New York…" Ephram mumbled, as he walked off, leaving Amy there.

_He walks her home. Now he walks alone. The days they turn into years. The eyes they drown in tears._

Leaving Amy there to cry, that is. She had cried countless times this year. _How did I let Ephram slip through my fingers? He's..well he's perfect._

O-o-o thrown in all directions. You epitome of perfection. She's lost her will (she's lost her will). Time is standing still.

Ephram lies in his room, the lights off, music at a quieter volume than usual. _Man, she's perfect. I can't let her go. _He turns over on his stomach and falls asleep, drifting off to thoughts of a perfect world. A perfect, unreal, world.

The way we are, the way they were. (It's just a shadow of what's wrong) The time with you, the time is stirred. (I love you for so long) The hearts they turn, they turn away. (She says to go, please don't you cry) Love lost was found, night turns to day. Time is standing still. 


	6. Big Yellow Taxi

*Hey! Sorry its been so long since an update..I've been so busy! (By the way, I hope you like this chapter! Review please! Xoxo)

~midtowngirl89*

The sun shone brightly that Sunday morning, but the hope and warmth it brings was bittersweet. Amy discreetly peeked around the corner, looked over a bush, and even walked up and down the street (not so discreetly) to watch the Brown's moving day. She hadn't caught a glimpse of Ephram, but wasn't planning on giving up. She did, however, see Andy and Delia hauling boxes into the yard, where burly men, with hole filled jeans and shirts saturated with sweat, lifted the Brown's possessions into the truck. 

"Hi Docter Brown. Hiya Delia!" Delia smiled, waved, and turned back to sifting through a box, a baseball cap slipped over her silky brown hair. Dr. Brown smiled a hearty smile and approached Amy.

"Hello there Amy. I think it's safe to assume you're looking for Ephram."

"You would be correct, Dr. Brown." Amy grinned and looked around the gradually emptying house. "Dr. Brown?"

"Yes, Amy?" Andy's brow furrowed as a confused look appeared on his face.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but why are you moving your family to New York?"

"Oh, I thought Ephram would have told you already. Well, I got a job there…they want me back at the hospital I used to work it."

Amy felt a horrible feeling of regret and disgust in the pit of her stomach. 

"And concerning the whereabouts of Ephram, I'm pretty sure he's inside. He's not taking this very well…" Dr. Brown began to look absentminded and he walked back to the house. "I have so much work to do…goodbye Amy."

"Bye," she whispered. She wandered back to her house, up the street, and laid in her room, depressing music playing softly, just as it had the day before, and the day before that.

Ephram touched the wall of his room. The empty wall, just as the other three were. He was the kind of person that couldn't leave well enough alone, even though his situation was anything but good. He grabbed the backpack near his feet, full of things to do for the long trip to New York. Ephram pulled out a notebook, and well-used pencil, and began writing, all of this unbeknownst to Amy.

A yellow taxi pulled into the driveway of the Brown's house, or the former Brown's house perhaps. A few suitcases were set into the truck. Delia slid in first, then Andy. Ephram lingered, taking in his house, his life for the last 8 months. 

"Ephram! Ephrammmm!" Amy shouted, her voice horse, as she raced to him, face red, out of breath. "You…can't…leave….yet…"

Ephram pulled her into a quick hug, memorizing how it felt to be in her arms. He slipped her a folded piece of paper. 

"Here." Ephram slid into the car last, with the taxi driver looking annoyed. He shut the door, waved to Amy, and was soon out of sight. 

"You sure look happy to have just left the love of your life," Andy observed. Ephram had had the same drunken grin on his face since the moment he got into the car.

"Yeah…..yeah…" Ephram said dreamily. Andy shook his head and laughed, leaving Ephram still in his own world.


	7. Remember

*Hi you guys, thanks for reviews, hope you enjoyed the chapter. 

'Riley' (my faithful anonymous reviewer J ) have no fear about Ephram and Amy… J teehee. Enjoy!*

*By the way, this is the note that Ephram gave Amy last chapter*

_Amy,_

Remember when we first met? I was the new kid, purple-haired, an outcast, who was befriended by the beautiful, popular girl. Regardless of whether you were using me for my dad, felt sorry for me, or were genuinely intrigued by me, that's one moment of my life in Everwood I never want to forget.

Remember the field trip to the mine, and Thanksgiving day? I know while Colin was awake you tried to deny those days. But you don't have to now Amy. I don't know whether that changes anything, but…I never would have kissed you if I hadn't felt something from you. I know you felt it…

Remember when Colin died? I do. I was there. I was there for you. Remember?

Remember a few days before Colin's funeral, when I saw you in that alleyway? I saw you dancing. I saw all of it. And believe me, I was blown away. It was…amazing.

Remember that I love you, okay?

~Ephram


	8. MmmProzac

* Hey all, wow I'm updating fast this time! But sorry its kinda short.. I CANNOT wait until the new season of Everwood comes here…I've been watching all the trailers and everything. Hope you like this chapter..I'm not really sure where to take this story..we'll see lol. Review, bitte! (German for please : ) ) *

"Ephram, get the door!" Andy stood in the kitchen, chopping tomatoes, cooking 

dinner…or something like it. 

"But Dad…" Ephram's eyes stayed fixed on the TV, with Delia sitting on the plush couch next to him. She smiled at his whiny tone of voice. He was stretched out in the leather recliner, a new addition since they moved back to New York. 

"Ephram, you should really get it. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised." Ephram rolled his eyes and snorted.

"That would mean moving from my position of sorrow and depression. I can't think of a good reason to get up… I left her in Everwood," he muttered. Delia snatched the remote from Ephram's grasp and changed the channel to a cartoon, one that did not interest Ephram in the least. "Well now that the television is no longer stimulating my brain…." He stood up and stumbled towards the door. "Ooo! Maybe its my Prozac, because I could sure use--" Ephram's jaw dropped.

"You said if I was ever in New York…" Amy smiled, as Ephram spun around to look at Andy, who was crazily grinning.

"How…what…"

"Ephram, come here." She wrapped her arms around him, a feeling he'd thought he never experience again. "Your dad's a smart man, Ephram." She winked at Dr. Brown, and focused back on Ephram. "I'm spending the summer here!"

"Wow! That's..wow!" He laughed, remembering he had vowed to do it more often.

"Amy!!!" Delia squealed. Ephram and Amy broke their embrace as Amy began one with Delia. 

"Hey! I missed you," Amy said, patting Delia on the head as she went back to the couch.

"Ouch, I'm hurt. You didn't mention how much you missed me and can't live without me," Ephram joked.

"I've got something better for you…" Amy replied, tugging Ephram's arm as she pulled him into the nearest room. "Your letter..I…remember that I love you, ok?"

"Wow.." Ephram said for the second time, kissing her gently. He knew it. This will be a summer to remember…


	9. Author note

*Hi everyone…I really had no idea where to go with this chapter…so I am beseeching you with my plead for ideas. J Please, please, please email me if you have any ideas for what could possibly happen next in my story..anything at all..lol. Thanks! XOXO*

~midtowngirl89

sugarcultangel13@yahoo.com my email J 


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